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Black Friday

By: Michael Bentley

Art by Bradley Kishiyama

Many people believe Thanksgiving is held in honor of a feast between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans, but that’s just wrong. It is really meant to rest one’s body and mind in preparation for Black Friday to get the last free XBox from the sometimes literal doorbuster deals. But this long-standing tradition is on the out as stores continue to expand their Black Friday to encompass not just Friday, but also the weekend.

Companies such as Walmart have even gone as far as starting the deals on Thanksgiving at 6 pm. These are truly corporate monsters. Nobody will be able to fight after being tired from eating all of that turkey. They’ll be stuffed from eating that last bite of sweet potatoes they knew they shouldn’t have taken. This will compromise their ability to run and snatch the last Nintendo Switch. Just kidding – Nintendo doesn’t do discounts.

My issue with Black Friday may seem minor, but let’s keep in mind it is called Black Friday. FRIDAY. Not Black Friday and Some of Thursday and also the Weekend. It’s just Black Friday. It’s just plain misleading to have it on Thursday, and somebody ought to sue Walmart for false advertising by having Black Friday on Thursday. Now, you may be thinking “Let’s just rename it to Black Thursday through Sunday,” but, besides the fact that it doesn’t roll off the tongue, we can’t rename an important aspect of our society. This isn’t d.tech.

It may seem like I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but this is a major issue on par with some of biggest political controversies that have been hotly debated over the past election cycle, such as if robotics is a sport, and if a hot dog is a sandwich. I implore President Trump to make a statement against these blasphemous stores and encourage the United States citizens to make a stand.

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