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Geese Return for Weese

Lessley Anderson | landerson@dtechhs.org | April 1, 2019

NOTE: This article is an April Fools article, and should not be regarded as fact or truth in any way. This article does not reflect the views or reporting of the d.tech Dragon and is for entertainment purposes only.

The Geese have returned, but for a reason that nobody expected: Thomas Weese

Even after a fierce geese eradication campaign by Oracle, they have returned. They have come back for one reason, and one reason only: Thomas Weese.

Like everybody at d.tech, the geese recognized Weese and basked in his powerful aura. However, once they were ripped from his sphere of influence, many of the geese reportedly felt anxiety and depression. It wasn’t long before the braver among them suggested a return to campus. While risky, it yielded huge rewards: on March 14th, the geese made a triumphant return to d.tech grounds, they were once again able to spew their excrement upon the pavement as their ancestors had done. That, and see Weese again.

“Nragggghh nrrrrahhg nragg hssssssssss,” said one goose. This roughly translates to “Our birthright is now ours again. The cries of our brethren will no longer come from the Slough, but from the pavement we belong in, and it’s all thanks to Thomas.” [Translation courtesy of resident geese translator Patrick Sullivan.]

When contacted for comment, Weese was astonished. “What?” he said. However, after a few moments of reflection, he regained his composure. “Of all the amazing student leaders at d.tech, I can’t believe the geese would risk capture and mauling to spend more time with me,” said Weese. “I am humbled and honored.”

When the geese heard of Weese’s reaction, they only swooned. Currently, Weese is trying to find a way to let the geese know that the geese’s feelings are not mutual.

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