Phoebe Rak | firstname.lastname@example.org | April 1, 2019
NOTE: This article is an April Fools article, and should not be regarded as fact or truth in any way. This article does not reflect the views or reporting of the d.tech Dragon and is for entertainment purposes only.
d.tech has been hit by a flurry of nicotine addicts who fiend for their security blanket vaping devices. Since the rise of these popular toys, students are rushing in waves to the bathrooms to get their fix during classes and in passing periods. Due to this conundrum, the bathrooms in which some students use to relieve themselves are now filled which thick flavorful vapor coating students’ lungs. To combat this growing epidemic, Student Culture Coordinator Henry Lonneman has converted the former meditation room into a hip vape lounge to redirect some of the traffic away from the bathroom scene.
The lounge is lit with non-threatening neon lights to set the mood and the intention that this room is for students to relax and party, a place to escape the frustrations and confusions of life, with the help of inhaling their warm fruity chemicals. Lonneman has also filled the new room, which he calls his “curiosity project,” with funky throw pillows, and an abundance of ‘fat boy’ beanbags. In addition, Lonneman provided the room with some of his personal especially curated electronic dance music to further his contrived ‘vibe’.
The lounge is also filled with folding hand fans for students to redirect the tainted air while still maintaining their stylish and cool personas. Although the lounge does not have the same charm and sleek architecture as the restroom, Lonneman has tried to recreate some of the features to help juulers feel more at home. In order to do this, Lonneman has added some of the same air fresheners and urinal cakes to help with a smoother transition for those who experience separation anxiety from the familiarity of the restroom. While the new lounge does not have running water or plumbing noises as the restroom does, Lonneman has a solution for this as well. He has recorded some of the plumbing noises and water sounds of the restroom to play on a loop in the new vape lounge to further his recreation of comforts of the restrooms.
Students have really taken to the new vape lounge and enjoy the atmosphere. Some students are still holding out on giving their approval and many are long-time occupants of the previous restroom vaping location and are hesitant to make the transition. Lonneman has also created a new section of his prized advisory council devoted solely to maintain and improve the lounge. Their mission is to convert all of the residual bathroom juulers to full residents of the lounge. These students are doing this through empathy interviews, iteration, and prototyping new features of the lounge to lure even the most skeptical students.
Junior Kazi Hussaini is a big advocate of the new lounge: “It has improved my life significantly, I can’t believe I survived without it for so long! I can’t even imagine going back to the bathrooms now!” While some students love the new lounge, the jury is still out as to whether or not the new lounge can really compete with the lure of the restrooms, but Henry Lonneman is devoted to making the lounge as comfortable as possible for the juul fiends in the d.tech community. Hopefully, the new lounge is here to stay!